Wedding Lingo

Photo: source

OMG!! LOL, YOLO! 

We're all savvy with the usual acronyms and online lingo. However, when it comes to weddings, there's a whole new set of acronyms and lingo used. It certainly took me a little while to figure out what they meant and get used to it. Below is a quick list of some terms and acronyms you'll probably come across during your wedding planning process.

• BM - abbreviation used for 'bridesmaid'.
• BP - Bridal party
• DW - Destination wedding
• FBIL - Future brother-in-law
• FFIL - Future father-in-law
• FG - Flower girl
• FH - Future husband
• FOB - Father of the bride
• FOG - Father of the groom
• FSIL - Future sister-in-law
• GM - Groomsmen
• GP - Grandparent
• Boutonnire - Not just for prom! This is a tiny flower arrangement usually attached to the left lapel of the jacket. Boutonnieres can be worn by grooms, attendants, ushers, and the bride's and groom's fathers. 
• Ceremony - This is the part of the wedding when the bride walks down the aisle and the couple exchange vows. 
• Cake Table - Throughout the reception, the wedding cake should stand pretty atop a beautifully adorned table. Generally, the table is located in a special location adjacent to the bandstand or stage. After dinner has been enjoyed, the bride and groom will take part in the traditional cutting of the cake at the cake table.
• Catering Station - Instead of having a sit-down affair where waiters serve dinner to guests, food stations can be set up. Also commonly called a buffet, you can choose to have different ethnic foods at various tables.
• Center Piece - The decoration/attraction in the middle of each table. It's usually a floral arrangement, but can definitely be a candle arrangement, or whatever the bride and groom wants it to be. 
• Chafing Dish - A dish used to keep hot foods warm before or during serving. Also often called food warmers, these dishes can either be kept warm by cooking fuel lamps or electricity.
• Charger Plate - A large decorative plate, almost platter-sized, placed under the entrée and salad plate to add color to your reception tables. A beautiful gold or silver leaf charger can add formality and flare to a simple table. It can also be a further way to incorporate your wedding color palette into your reception table.

Choosing the Venue

One of the first things H and I did even before we settled on a wedding date was start visiting venues. These places go quickly, especially if you're looking to have a wedding during the prime wedding seasons (i.e., late spring through early fall). Therefore, my advice would be to start looking at venues early. Now, do note that if you're planning to have a traditional Chinese wedding, the below won't apply as much as these weddings are normally just held at a Chinese restaurant. Therefore, the main things to consider is really just whether you like the restaurant and how much they cost per table.

What I had done to jump start this process was buy a book all about the different venues available in my region. The guide I had was very comprehensive, albeit a little dated with regards to its pricing information. Nonetheless, this was a great starting point to figuring out the relative prices of each location, as well as where the venues were, what a sample menu looked like, capacity, and photos. Using this magazine, I narrowed down the venues of choice to about 10-15. My wonderful maid of honor helped me conduct some online research on each one to help us narrow down the selection to just 5-7 potential venues. After this, we contacted each venue to book an appointment to visit.

Venues we visited:


Photo: Source

• Jericho Terrace
• Chateau Briand
• Greentree Country Club
• Dyker Beach Golf Course
• Marina Del Rey
• The Inn at New Hyde Park
• The Fountainhead

Choosing a Date

Picture Credits: Here

In my earlier post, I talk how choosing the date is a huge ordeal for Chinese Weddings--in this post, I will be sharing my personal experiences of the process I had to go through in order to finalize my date.

I got engaged in August 2013, but I didn't "finalize" my wedding date until probably February 2014. As I had no idea when I would be getting married, I didn't think it made sense to start looking at venues since I wouldn't even know if the venue would have the date I needed available.

In the Chinese culture, people normally try to get married on the "best" date per the lunar calendar, but if the individual isn't as superstitious, they normally just make sure the date they plan to get married on isn't a notorious "bad" wedding date per the lunar calendar. There's something called a "Tong Sing"which basically is the lunar calendar with indications on which dates are good/bad for what activities (yes--this DOES exist).

In addition to this, other restrictions include:

• Bride's birthday - the wedding should not be in the same month as the bride's birthday--based on the lunar calendar that is. 
• Bride's family's birthday - As if just limiting the date to months outside of the bride's birthday month wasn't enough, you also shouldn't have the wedding during the same month as any of her direct relative's birthdays (also per lunar calendar). The reasoning for bother this and the above reason is because in the Chinese culture, marriages signify the bride leaving her family to join another. As such, it's not as big of a celebration for the bride's family since they're losing a family member. Typically, especially back then, the groom's family would have to cover the costs of the whole wedding (another difference compared to American weddings that i totally forgot about for my last post!) and also shower the bride's family with gifts and money so it's almost like they're "buying" a new daughter.
• Summer months - summer months are bad for weddings purely because that's when the "gates of hell" open up and ghosts/spirits roam free. You don't want to get married when that happens...apparently.

American vs Chinese Weddings

The very first question I had was whether to have a traditional Chinese wedding or to have an American wedding. For those who might not know, there's a very distinctive difference between a Chinese and an American wedding, and these differences are driven by culture, region, and unfortunately, financial capability. While there are probably many more differences than what I will be listing, the below are the ones that I am choosing to speak about (Disclaimer: I've only had the opportunity to actually attend 1 western style wedding and a handful of Chinese weddings, so I'm not an expert by all means. All of the following are just observations based on personal experiences. In addition, I understand that Chinese traditions also differ based on which region in China you're from--our families are originally from Guang Zhou so if you notice any differences from what you're familiar with, this may be the reason why.):

Choosing the Date

• American - Choosing the date for most Americans usually is a factor of dates with significant meanings and availability of the date at their desired venue. 
• Chinese - Choosing the date for Chinese weddings is a HUGE ordeal. The most traditional way to set a date for a wedding involves looking at the couple's birth dates & birth times (yes--as in time of birth) and comparing that to the lunar calendar to determine which dates are best for marriage. Based on the lunar calendar, 2014 is apparently the best year for marriage (ironic, given that 2014 has "14" in it -- terrible number in the Chinese culture because "14" sound similar to "must die") while 2015 is apparently the worse year for marriage. In addition to that, summer is when the "gates of hell" opens up, so summer weddings are a big "no-no" in the Chinese culture (keep in mind, this is based on the lunar calendar, which doesn't necessarily sync with the western solar calendar, so summer per lunar calendar might be late summer per western solar calendar). Weddings should also not be during the same month as the bride's or the bride's immediate family's birth dates because marriage for the bride's family means their family is "losing" a family member, so wedding dates that overlaps the bride's family's birth dates should also be avoided (again, keep in mind that this is based on the lunar calendar).  

Ceremony

picture credits: tea ceremony, american ceremony

• American - typically there will be a ceremony--i.e., the couple will walk down the aisle to exchange their "I do's". This can be done indoors, outdoors, at a church, or at City Hall. 
• Chinese - this depends on the couple's religion. While it's more common nowadays (especially over in Hong Kong) for couples to have a western ceremony, many couples who aren't Christian usually opt for a tea ceremony instead (click here for a Four Seasons article about what a Chinese wedding tea ceremony is). Nonetheless, others may opt to have a ceremony at City Hall, but may supplement with a Chinese wedding tea ceremony afterwards. You can also click here for a more in depth explanation behind the origins of the tea ceremony and how it's performed. 

What Now? (aka Blog Introduction)

Like most couples, I basked in post-proposal, newly engaged happiness. However, unlike most couples who bask in this happiness for days, or even weeks--mine only lasted for a few hours. The daunting question of "what now?" dawned on me immediately.

I had no idea what exactly was the next step. I was the first one in my group of friends to get engaged. Everyone else I knew who had been engaged/gotten married were my co-workers, which wouldn't be a problem except for one thing--I'm Asian...and they weren't. Questions on how my cultural traditions would play a role in my wedding immediately arose...so I took the obvious next step--I started a blog.

Funny how this blog is titled "My Two Year Journey Towards Sanity". I swear, when I first started the blog, it really was 2 years away...then I procrastinated and Hey! What do you know--it's now just a little over a year away! However, "My One and Half Year Journey to Sanity" didn't have a nice ring to it, so I left it at 2 years. (NOW YOU ALL KNOW MY SECRET!)

Anyway, my first post on this blog was the story of my engagement and how I nearly lost my life. My goals for this blog however, will be to document my journey toward my wedding. Given that I'm working full time at a job that expects more than 40 hours a week from me while also pursuing my masters in Accounting part time, my posts won't be regular, but I hope to be able to compensate for this by having multiple posts when I DO find the time to blog.

Now then, welcome to my two year 1.5 year journey towards sanity.

Saying Yes

For weeks I've noticed that H was acting strange and silly. He started hanging out with friends without me more often and started going out without really letting me know what's up much. Now keep in mind, I'm all for having alone time and I'm not an advocate of being attached by the hip, but H never really minded being with me most of the time and he never really went out by himself without at least extending an invitation to me beforehand.

I guess that should've been the first red flag!

Then one day, out of the blue H called me and asked me if I wanted to go horseback riding. Keep in mind, neither of us knew how to ride horses.

I said "sure!"--why not?

Then it got weirder. After horseback riding, we were to have lunch with D & J, who we were both friends with, but they weren't exactly the closest friends to one another, so this lunch arrangement struck me as odd.

Me: "Why are we eating with D & J? They don't talk to each other"
H: "Um. J likes D now."
Me: "J has a girlfriend"
H: "They broke up"
Me: "Not according to facebook!"
H: "Stalker."

Darn.

But anyway, I decided not to pursue any further. The night before our horseback riding escapade, H told me we were no longer eating with D & J anymore. J apparently no longer liked D anymore, so now we were eating with J and our friend S. But since we were eating around the corner from D's house, I insisted on inviting D anyway.

Fast forward to the next morning and we set out to get to the horse riding academy. It reeked of animal poop. Not to mention, the weather was gloomy and it was threatening to rain.

Our tourguide ended up being this really racist old man who was apparently really good with the horses and spent his time when he was not leading tours, scaring off anyone who dared venture on to the riding academy's private federal land (a beach filled with horse poop, swamps, and car carcasses).

This session turned out to be a private trail ride along the beach led by our tour guide. It would've been romantic if my horse wasn't overly aggressive and overly interested in my tour guide's horse's butt and if H's horse actually wanted to move a little faster. During the entire tour, H's horse was always at least 10 feet away from mine and my horse was always right up my tourguide's horse's butt. My tour guide later told me that our horses didn't get along and that they often broke out into fights when they were near each other. Oh yeah, totally what I wanted to hear as a novice at this whole horse riding gig.

Toward the end of our trail ride, our tour guide told us he had to conduct his hobo patrol (his exact words) to make sure there weren't any hobo's around. This was when we found someone standing in the middle of the trail, so our tour guide told us to stay put and he'd go check it out.

Unluckily for me, my horse decided that this was the perfect time to wander off the trail into the field, toward the stables. As it started heading toward the fields, it started galloping. Yes. Galloping. I grabbed onto my horse tightly, but the only thought going through my mind was "HOLY SHIT, I'M GOING TO DIE". Of course, as it's galloped, I noticed from the corner of my eye that there was a picnic blanket with a bouquet of roses on it.

"How nice, someone's having a picnic", I thought to myself. But hey, I'm going to die, so I probably shouldn't be paying too much attention to that.

My tourguide finally caught up and yanked my horse back, at which point it stood on its hind legs and I hung on tightly for my dear life.

When my horse finally calmed down, my tour guide told me to get off.

Me: "Here? Right now? Are you sure?!"
TG: "Yeah--that guy has something to say to you"

I turned around and saw H getting off his horse and fiddling with his phone. As he walked closer, I saw his mouth move but I had no idea what he said.

Me: "What?"
H: "Baby, remember this song?"

All I heard were birds chirping and other white noise.

Me: "Umm..No? What is it?"
H: "You don't remember this song?"

I listened closer and finally heard the beginning of Brian McKnight's "Back at One"--our song. H put down his phone and picked up the bouquet.

And that was when he proposed.

And I guess in case you're still wondering -- I did say yes.