American vs Chinese Weddings

The very first question I had was whether to have a traditional Chinese wedding or to have an American wedding. For those who might not know, there's a very distinctive difference between a Chinese and an American wedding, and these differences are driven by culture, region, and unfortunately, financial capability. While there are probably many more differences than what I will be listing, the below are the ones that I am choosing to speak about (Disclaimer: I've only had the opportunity to actually attend 1 western style wedding and a handful of Chinese weddings, so I'm not an expert by all means. All of the following are just observations based on personal experiences. In addition, I understand that Chinese traditions also differ based on which region in China you're from--our families are originally from Guang Zhou so if you notice any differences from what you're familiar with, this may be the reason why.):

Choosing the Date

• American - Choosing the date for most Americans usually is a factor of dates with significant meanings and availability of the date at their desired venue. 
• Chinese - Choosing the date for Chinese weddings is a HUGE ordeal. The most traditional way to set a date for a wedding involves looking at the couple's birth dates & birth times (yes--as in time of birth) and comparing that to the lunar calendar to determine which dates are best for marriage. Based on the lunar calendar, 2014 is apparently the best year for marriage (ironic, given that 2014 has "14" in it -- terrible number in the Chinese culture because "14" sound similar to "must die") while 2015 is apparently the worse year for marriage. In addition to that, summer is when the "gates of hell" opens up, so summer weddings are a big "no-no" in the Chinese culture (keep in mind, this is based on the lunar calendar, which doesn't necessarily sync with the western solar calendar, so summer per lunar calendar might be late summer per western solar calendar). Weddings should also not be during the same month as the bride's or the bride's immediate family's birth dates because marriage for the bride's family means their family is "losing" a family member, so wedding dates that overlaps the bride's family's birth dates should also be avoided (again, keep in mind that this is based on the lunar calendar).  

Ceremony

picture credits: tea ceremony, american ceremony

• American - typically there will be a ceremony--i.e., the couple will walk down the aisle to exchange their "I do's". This can be done indoors, outdoors, at a church, or at City Hall. 
• Chinese - this depends on the couple's religion. While it's more common nowadays (especially over in Hong Kong) for couples to have a western ceremony, many couples who aren't Christian usually opt for a tea ceremony instead (click here for a Four Seasons article about what a Chinese wedding tea ceremony is). Nonetheless, others may opt to have a ceremony at City Hall, but may supplement with a Chinese wedding tea ceremony afterwards. You can also click here for a more in depth explanation behind the origins of the tea ceremony and how it's performed. 

Cocktail Hour

picture credits: here

• American - this is usually the 1 hour interlude after the ceremony but before the reception dinner when guests can enjoy a LOT of food and drinks and get to know one another before sitting down to enjoy dinner. 
• Chinese - What is this cocktail hour that you speak of?

Reception

picture credits: Chinese Reception, American Reception

• American - this is usually a western style dinner with three courses (i.e., appetizer, entree, and dessert) served.
• Chinese - If the couple opted for a traditional Chinese wedding tea ceremony, chances are, the reception dinner is the only time individuals outside of the bridal party/family are invited to join in for the celebration. Regardless of what ceremony was picked, the reception dinner is normally just a dinner at a Chinese restaurant--and yes, you've guessed it! It's a family style meal. Each table will typically have soda and wine--usually no open bar. The meal will usually start with a cold platter with jelly fish, pork (fung tai), mini octopuses, and the like (really, it's SUPER delicious!) and usually shark fin soup (though there has been a move away from shark fin soup--especially in Hong Kong). There is usually about 8-10 courses as well as cake and dessert!

Wedding Gifts

picture credits: here

• American - Couples will almost always put together a registry that guests can reference to pick out a gift for the newly weds.
• Chinese - Cash is king! The usual gift is usually just money or jewelry. 

Other wedding day festivities

• American - Many couples opt to have wedding photos taken after the ceremony, during the cocktail hour. 
• Chinese - If the traditional route is taken, entertainment will ensue prior to the ceremony. By entertainment, I mean that the groom usually picks up the bride from the bride's home, however, bridesmaids will usually try to stop the groom and the groomsmen from getting to the bride. They will usually haggle with the groom & groomsmen to try to get the groom to pay an obscene amount in exchange for access into the house, or make the groom and his buddies do ridiculous things in exchange for admission into the house.

Finances

picture credits: here

• American - There are many components to the costs of an American wedding--venue fees, catering, decor, and ceremony fees. If you find a venue that does on-site catering, then your costs will decrease a bit. Nonetheless, costs for American weddings are usually a per person cost (i.e., how much your wedding will cost you is directly related to the number of guests). In additional, with western weddings, wedding costs are usually covered by the Bride's family. Note that times have changed and it's not necessarily this way anymore, but this is just how things rolled traditionally. 
• Chinese - If the couple chooses to have a ceremony at a church, site fee and ceremony fees may apply. If the couple chooses to have a traditional Chinese wedding tea ceremony, costs involved might just be for the lady who helps with the tea ceremony and the tea & teapot itself as tea ceremonies usually take place at the parents' homes. Regardless, receptions dinners are generally at a Chinese restaurant, and at such places, costs are directly related to the number of tables you have. It's generally a set cost per table since it's a family style meal, and each table will be able to seat from 10-12 people, based on how the couple chooses to arrange seating. (Chinese wedding will almost always be much more affordable than American weddings.) Please also note that traditionally, wedding costs are usually covered by the Groom's family. Again, times have changed and it's not necessarily this way anymore.  

I tried research whether existing lists documenting the differences were already available online, but only found a few (here is one that I found interesting and has some differences that I didn't list out).

Although there are traditional elements to each type of wedding, one important point my maid of honor reminded me was that this was really MY wedding, so I could have it the way I want--sure, having a traditional Chinese wedding will likely appease the older generation, but at the end of the day, it's my wedding, so I should be able to make all the calls. As such, I decided that I wanted to have a fusion wedding and incorporate elements of both types of weddings into my own.

I personally enjoy the layout of an American wedding more because I was never a huge fan of having a traditional Chinese reception dinner. Nonetheless, I also really wanted to incorporate the Chinese wedding tea ceremony and the pre-ceremony festivities of a Chinese wedding. My fiancee on the other hand was very adamant about having an American ceremony too because he's very fond of the idea of having an outdoor ceremony. As such, we've decided to have a tea ceremony with the pre-ceremony festivities in the early afternoon and then the outdoor American ceremony, followed by the cocktail hour and American reception.